Saying yes to fear and doing it anyways.

Saying yes to fear and doing it anyways.

This piece was previously published in January at MUTHA Magazine.

We inherit a whole collection of stories about parenthood: from our parents, from friends, from episodes of This is Us, books, social pressure, people in the grocery store who have a lot of unsolicited advice, infant classes, social media, feedback on our posts to social media, etc. The list could go on and on. The myth of the perfect parent has a lot of contributors.

But, my life didn’t quite step in line with the stories. And, really, whose story does line up with all these expectations and pressures? It doesn’t take much to disqualify from the ideal narrative of the perfect family. My family started off on a different foot than most. My ex-wife and I were a queer couple. Our daughter was conceived with an anonymous donor through a sperm bank. My wife got pregnant with the help of pee sticks to measure her fertile window, a vial of sperm, and an obnoxious gynecologist. Forty weeks later and our family of two had expanded to three.

I was worried that I’d feel disconnected from my family. I wasn’t linked genetically to my daughter. I wasn’t going to give birth. The ties connecting myself to my daughter felt thin. I worried that the queerness of our family would be a burden to our daughter. I worried that being non-binary was just selfish of me and would only confuse my daughter. I worried that all the things that made our family different from the norm would cause discomfort and pain to our family.

And then she was born.

Continue reading here on MUTHA Magazine.


Here's to the magical boredom. The wonder-filled drudgery. The beautiful slog.

Here's to the magical boredom. The wonder-filled drudgery. The beautiful slog.

My values don't need to be my obligations.

My values don't need to be my obligations.